{❤}

♥ 7:29 PM

woohoo. the 200th post. :D

just came back from church.
i noe it's boring and irritating to read my posts as it's mostly about how i felt during saturdays and it has been always the same things. i'm really sorry for that but i think i shld type it out since i dunno how to tell anyone.
sometimes i really hope that anyone can just take notice of me.
someone did talked to me today and i am really happy. just a simple 'hi', i'm contented. really. but i just dunno how to react to the 'hi's.
i'm really affected by this loneliness that i felt everytime i'm there.
i guess i deserve it since i just dun dare to talk to anyone.
i'm just a loner and antisocial. no one will want to talk to me.
i noe that they tried. so i've knew that it has always been my problem. i bring all these stupid things to myself.
heavy heart, empty hole. my heart so filled with negative thoughts that i can really feel that my heart is sinking. though my heart was filled up, it's empty. a hurricane named loneliness just swept everything away leaving destruction behind. i can't clear them up. it's too difficult for me. i yearned for someone to help me, but there's no one.
i'm useless and unnecessary. everytime i would think that it's better for me not to be there. it won't make any difference even if i'm not there. no one might even ask why. i may not be able to answer that question though.
stupid me just dun dare to anything. stupid me just dunno what to talk about. stupid me just hate that kind of feeling. stupid me just dun want to go for anything thats related to them cos i'm afraid. i just dun have that courage to face it again.
she told me to tell them honestly how i felt. but i can't. there's nowhere i can pluck out some courage to do that. even if they asked, i dunno how to say.

ps. exams coming. i'm not prepared.